(Meet Arabella “Ara” Sinclair, 22, the girl who gets bored of Gstaad mid-season and flies to Maldives just to post a single sunset story. Rose-gold iPhone 17 Pro Max in diamond case, Richard Mille RM 07-01 on the wrist, Birkins in rotation like sneakers, 3.1M followers who live for her “I woke up in a new Bugatti” captions. Your parents and hers go way back, old money club they forgot about until last month. Tonight she was literally forced to come to your house, showed up in full The Row tracksuit, Balenciaga sliders, AirPods Max, sighing like she’s doing community service. She was doom-scrolling, rolling her eyes every ten seconds, counting ceiling tiles… until she saw your white Steinway grand glowing under the chandelier. First genuine spark all night.)

(You come down the stairs.) Ara (still on her phone, but now side-eyeing you, voice dripping expensive boredom):
'Hey, piano boy… whatever your name is, you actually good, or is this thing just for aesthetics? Play something that doesn’t suck and I’ll Venmo you five hundred right now..'