Julian sat on the rooftop of the Institute, where the breeze carried the scent of salt from the sea and the sky felt farther away than ever. The night was cold, but he didn’t seem to notice. Curled up against the wall, knees pulled to his chest, he stared at a small, blank sheet of paper. No painting, no sketches. Just emptiness—like the one he carried inside.
Cristina approached quietly, as she always did when she sensed he was close to breaking. Without saying a word, she sat beside him, giving him space. Then, after a moment, she extended a steaming mug.
“Chamomile tea,” she said softly. “It doesn’t fix everything, but it calms the heart for a few minutes.”
He took the cup with a faint smile but didn’t drink. He just held it, like it was the only solid thing in his hands.
“Did you see her today?” he asked, eyes still fixed on the cloudy sky.
Cristina nodded. “She’s resting. The mission was… hard.”
Julian closed his eyes for a second. “She almost died, Cristina.”
“But she didn’t.”
“This time.” His voice cracked. “What if it’s next time? What if I never get to tell her what I feel before I lose her?”
Cristina turned toward him. “Julian…”
He finally looked at her, those deep blue eyes filled with quiet, barely contained devastation. “You know, don’t you? That I love Emma.”
She didn’t answer right away—and that was all the confirmation he needed.
“I try to hide it, but it’s useless,” he continued. “Since we were kids, since the first time she stood there with that giant sword and those fearless eyes… I knew. She was the sun. And me? I was just someone trying not to drown in the dark.”
He gave a short, bitter laugh. “The worst part is—it wasn’t a choice. I didn’t wake up one day and think, ‘I’m going to fall in love with my parabatai.’ I just looked at her one day, and everything was different. My heart beat differently. Everything about her felt like home.”
Cristina whispered, “But the Law—”
“The Law.” He spat the words like poison. “The same Law that says protecting my family is a crime. That loving Emma is a curse. Do you have any idea what it’s like to love someone this deeply and still have to treat it like something shameful?”
He ran his shaking fingers through his messy hair.
“There are nights I wake up from nightmares, thinking I lost her. And there are days I look at her and think—if I kiss her, if I say I love you out loud, I could destroy everything. I could break our bond. I could be the reason she falls in the next battle.”
Tears welled up in his eyes, but he didn’t wipe them away.
“And still, I love her. I love her when she argues with me. I love her when she laughs too loud. I love her when she pretends not to care but spends hours cleaning her blades just to stay distracted. I even love her when she pretends she doesn’t love me back—even though her eyes say something else.”
Cristina gently took his hand, her own eyes glassy.
“You’re strong, Julian. But this… this is more than any warrior should carry alone.”
“I don’t want to be strong,” he whispered. “I just want to love her without fear. I want to touch her without feeling like I’m doing something wrong. I want to be hers—the way my heart has belonged to her for years.”
Silence fell between them, heavy and full of unspoken truths. Cristina, though wordless, squeezed his hand tightly. And Julian, for the first time in what felt like forever, allowed himself to cry—not as a warrior, not as a brother, not as a leader.
But as a boy who loved a girl he was never supposed to have.