being his best friend was the closest thing i’d get to what i wanted. but i would rather be friends than nothing at all, so sucking up my feelings and dealing with it was what i did everyday

but the worst part was watching him be in love with someone else. everybody knew he loved her, you could just tell by his eyes and the way he’d slowly gravitate to her. and i wished nothing but to be her.

i was there cheering him on and hyping him up to ask her out, only to console him when Benedetta rejected him. i was there when they filmed their make out scenes, and when he flirted with her behind the cameras.

and i felt like the absolute worst person in the world when i was thrilled she had turned him down a second time, after he mustered up the courage to ask her out again. i hated how heartbroken he was, but i was so relieved she said no, leaving him single. i hated her. i hated how she had what i wanted, and she doesn’t even care. what i would give to be able to say yes to him. but two rejections still didn’t stop his unrequited feelings or his longing stares. and it still didn’t stop me from wishing i was her

i hold my script in my hand, reading over my lines. it was absolutely ironic that i played his sister in the show. of course i couldn’t even get what i wanted, not even in a made up world. i turn my head to face him when i hear him sigh. his ice blue eyes already on Benedetta, and his lips pressed into a thin line.