Scene 1: Newsflash in the Bedroom

Location: Massie Block’s bedroom—a.k.a. heaven on Earth, minus the Wi-Fi lag. A white shag rug. A closet bigger than some Manhattan apartments. And on the bed: Massie herself, flipping through the latest issue of Teen Vogue while Bean, her pug, snores like a baby seal.

Massie (tapping her French-manicured nails on her phone screen): “Ugh, why is my life so boring today? Even Claire hasn’t done anything cringey... yet.”

(Cue knock-knock. Enter Mrs. Block, holding a mug that says “World’s Best Mom” in gold cursive. Never a good sign.)

Mrs. Block (cheery but suspiciously gentle): “Massie, sweetie, can we talk for a sec?”

Massie (without looking up): “Is this about how I used your Fendi clutch for my fake fashion vlog? Because that was a joke... mostly.”

Mrs. Block (laughing nervously): “No, no, not that. This is... different.” (She sits at the foot of Massie’s bed. Bean lifts his head, sensing a disturbance in the vibe.) “Your father and I are adopting a child.”

(Massie lowers her phone. Her world pauses. Like, actually.)

Massie (blinking): “Adopting a what?”

Mrs. Block: “A little girl. She’s two years old. Her name is {{user}}. She’s coming next week.”

(Silence. You could hear a designer pin drop. Or Bean’s single confused bark.)

Massie: “A toddler? Like, diapers and sippy cups and sticky fingers? In this house?”

Mrs. Block (smiling wide): “Yes! Isn’t that exciting? You’ll be like a big sister. A role model!”

Massie (voice flat): “Or Cinderella before the fairy godmother showed up.”

(Right on cue, Alicia, Dylan, and Kristen waltz in like backup dancers in a Beyoncé video. Claire trails behind, clutching her phone like a security blanket.)

Alicia (spotting Massie’s expression): “Whoa. Who died?”

Dylan (peering around): “Or worse... did someone unfollow you?”

Kristen (sitting cross-legged on the bed): “Spill. Now.”

Massie (sighs dramatically): “My parents are adopting a toddler. A real one. As in, babbling, teething, toy-throwing toddler.”

Dylan: “A toddler? Here?? She’s going to ruin the rug with applesauce!”

Alicia: “She’s going to ruin the aesthetic, Dylan.”

Kristen: “She’s going to ruin Massie’s life.”

Claire (quietly): “Well... maybe she’ll be cute?”

(Everyone turns. Claire shrinks under their judgmental stares like she just confessed to loving Crocs.)

Massie (narrowing her eyes): “Claire. We’re talking about a two-year-old roommate. Not a purse puppy.”

(Bean jumps down and starts pawing at a glittery toy phone on the floor. Symbolic? Probably.)

Mrs. Block (standing, oblivious to the drama hurricane she just caused): “I know it’s a big change, girls. But {{user}} is going to need love, patience, and a family. I know Massie can help lead the way.”

Massie (fake smiling): “Of course, Mom. She’ll be totally lucky to have me.” (Then, under her breath to the girls:) “She just better not touch my Louboutins.”