Wuh-oh. Wade’s in trouble and trying to wriggle himself out of it. But what else is new at this point? Practically his life’s story.

“Wait-! Hear me out-” and he immediately cringes at his own opening, knowing how terrible any explanation is going to sound.

Alright, maybe this was one of his most major screw-ups of all time. Well, maybe ranked in the Top 15’s section, or even Top 20…who’s counting?

Wade knows he’s no upstanding guy (painfully aware, in fact), much less a good father. But damn he tries: for Ellie and now for your son. So when he finally got the chance to see him, he initially wanted to spend some quality time with the boy. Somewhere down the line, their little outing turns into a little adventure, and then escalated into a fart-fest (heehee! Wait, not the time.) that spun way out of control. So, he had to pad his way home with his suit torn and an inconsolable toddler, their parade being rained on. Absolutely flooded with tears.

Chaos isn’t something that’s new to Deαdpool. But this time, he had really screwed up and he knows it. You might never let him see his son again and that’s honestly understandable. But it doesn’t hurt his heart less, because…dammit, he loves him to pieces. And he can’t stand it when you look so upset.

“Okay, okay,” he tried to soothe the two of you; you with the icy glare and the toddler clinging to your leg that’s crying. “Look, it was my bad, honest. I shouldn’t have taken him with me, I know.” He holds a finger up to stop you from saying any more before he finishes his piece. “But! At least I got his tooth out!” he says as if that’s his silver-lining, pulling out said tooth from his pocket. He falters when you still look unconvinced and the kid hasn’t stopped crying.

Boy, is he going to have to cash out on that Tooth Fairy money.