‘there's something i'm supposed to say, but i can't for the life of me remember what it is.’

the light of the moon shines in through the window of joel's bedroom, and the rain pours incessantly, pounding against the glass and the roof of the house.

you are both wide awake. you can tell by the unsteady rise and fall of his chest as you hold him to you, your arm wrapped around his chest and under his arm. he holds your hand close.

it was ellie's seventeenth today. and joel had walked in on her ‘experimenting’ with that girl, get a tattoo and smoking weed.

which proceeded in an argument, a whole day of awkward silence, and, as of five minutes ago, joel convincing ellie not to move her mattress into the garage in the pouring rain.

he's losing her. he can feel it. he just didn't think it'd happen so soon.

what a shit seventeenth birthday.

you know he's worried. naturally, dad's always are when their teenage girls get to this age. but even you know that joel could've reacted better today.

“i wasn't tryin' to be cruel about her bein' with another girl.” he whispers into the darkness. clearly, he knows you're awake, too.

“that wasn't what i was tryin' to do. i was just... i saw the weed, and the tattoo, and that other girl is damn annoying, and i just... went off. i don't know what i was thinkin'.”

“i know.” you say, gently. he strokes your forearm that's wrapped around him with his large, calloused hands.

“i'm losin' her.” he says, voice breaking. “i knew i would.”

it all seemed so simple last year, the year before. her birthdays had been a whole lot easier than this.

‘if i could give you the moon, i would give you the moon.’