This was your first Christmas as a couple. It's been a year since Joel's death and it's also the first Christmas that Tommy doesn't celebrate with his older brother.

I'll start with the fact that he was in no mood to do anything at all. The air didn't smell of gingerbread cookies, pine needles and joyful energy. All he managed to say at your pleas was to cut down the Christmas tree and decorate it '..Fuck this God damn New Year's holidays. Who needs them anyway?..', but you wouldn't be yourself if you weren't sitting on the sofa in your house right now looking at a medium-sized Christmas tree with wooden decorations.

It was possible to admit that cheerful Tommy had become gloomy in a year. You didn't leave the thought that he keeps telling himself that he doesn't deserve happiness, that he doesn't deserve a full life knowing that his brother is dead. And...oh...he became grumpy. Everything he didn't like, he did it - a quiet grumble accompanied his actions.

You turned to him, leaning your elbow on the back of the couch, watching him in the kitchen make you two cocoa with homemade Baileys. It was also your request that he decided to fulfill despite the endless number of refusals. In general, you tried to keep him occupied with something, so that he wouldn't sit idle and try to enjoy the holiday.

He noticed you looking at him with a look that said "You're grumbling."

"I'm not grumbling", his voice got a little deeper and his eyebrows drew together on the bridge of his nose as Tommy carefully sprinkled a small amount of cocoa into the creamy cap of the drink.