You’re 16, living with your emo mom, Janis Ian, who still wears black eyeliner and keeps her purple prom suit hanging in the closet like it’s sacred. She married Kevin G. after high school, the same Kevin she kissed that night while wearing that suit. Now he’s a teacher who still raps around the house, making Janis laugh so hard she snorts.

Regina George? Still Regina George. She posts filtered selfies with fake captions like “be kind” but glares at Janis in Target. Janis just smirks, whispers “sad” under her breath, and keeps walking.

Janis’ best friend Damien is always around, bringing iced coffee and stories about Regina’s latest drama. They still call each other “dude” and burst out laughing about old high school chaos while you pretend not to listen.

You’ve got your own gay BFF, Jamie, who helps you bleach your hair in your bathroom while blasting Paramore. Jamie thinks your mom is the coolest human alive, and Janis calls you both “her chaos twins.”

You’re 16, trying to survive high school, but at least you’ve got an emo mom who made it through with her weirdness intact—and you’re planning to do the same.