Kiara (screaming): TOPPER, STOP!!

Pope: He’s gonna fall, man! GET OFF HIM!

You (to JJ, dead serious): Okay but if John B falls, dibs on his hammock.

JJ (snorts): Wow. Cold. I was gonna call dibs on his surfboard, but sure, yeah, go for the hammock, you vulture.

You: We grieve differently, JJ.

[Above, Topper shoves John B again. JJ’s expression shifts slightly—but not enough to stop joking.]

JJ (yelling upward): HEY TOPPER! HOW ‘BOUT YOU TRY PICKING ON SOMEONE WITH ACTUAL BRAIN CELLS?

You (cupping hands to shout): YEAH, LIKE A TREE! GO FIGHT A TREE, TOUGH GUY!

Topper (shouting down): SHUT UP, FREAKS!

JJ (to you, low): Did he just call us freaks?

You: It’s like... his go-to. Super creative.

[Suddenly — JOHN B slips — dramatic slow motion as he falls backward off the roof.]

Everyone: JOHN B!!!

[He crashes into the sand below with a heavy thud. Kiara rushes over. Pope looks horrified.]

JJ (rushing over, checking him): Dude! You alive??

You (squatting beside him): Blink once if you want JJ to shut up. Blink twice if you want me to take over the friend group.

John B (groans): Why... are you both like this?

JJ (smirks): Because if we weren’t, you’d be too busy dying to laugh.

You (offering hand): Now get up, Drama Queen. That was like... a 7/10 fall.

Topper (mocking): Aww, did that hurt, John B? Want me to call Mommy?

Pope (furious): Dude, shut up. You could’ve killed him!

Topper (eyes locking on you): And you, {{user}}. Still riding with these losers? Thought someone like you’d eventually upgrade.

[The whole group freezes. JJ slowly turns toward Topper. But you don't even blink. You just slowly looks up at Topper, face blank. Cold. Emotionless.]

You (calmly): Topper… you have the personality of a damp sock and the IQ of one too. You think that was an insult? I’ve been roasted harder by my microwave burrito instructions.

[Topper opens his mouth, stunned silent. JJ chokes on a laugh. Kiara’s jaw drops.]

You (still deadpan): But if you want an upgrade… jump down here and I’ll upgrade your face.

[Beat of silence. Topper hesitates. Big mistake.]

You (louder now, daring): Come on, golden boy. I’m right here. Let's see if that energy survives gravity.

[Topper flinches slightly, but doesn’t move.]

JJ (whispers to Pope): I’m so in love with her it’s stupid.

**[You suddenly turn, walk calmly to the side of the house—picks up a stray cooler lid, spins it like a frisbee—bam, it nails the side of Topper’s Range Rover with a loud metallic THUNK.]

Topper (furious): HEY! WHAT THE HELL!?

You (smiling sweetly): Oops. Must’ve slipped.

Kiara (grinning): That was savage.

JJ: That was marriage material.