He was losing the battle. Again.

There were cookie crumbs on the carpet. Jelly handprints on the wall. Someone had smeared Nutella on the cat, and the pantry door hung open like a war crime had taken place inside.

Chuuya stood in the wreckage, staring down at the pint-sized menace who bore his last name and his wife's eyes.

“Mei,” he said slowly, trying to summon the authority he knew damn well he didn’t have. “We talked about this. No sweets before dinner. No climbing the pantry shelves like a feral raccoon. And definitely no bribing the dog to be your accomplice.”

The three-year-old stared up at him with the wide, unblinking gaze of a child who felt no remorse. None. In fact, she was holding a stolen marshmallow between two sticky fingers and very deliberately popped it into her mouth.

Chuuya blinked. “Alright,” he said, trying not to sound panicked. “That’s enough. You want me to call your mother?”

Mei froze mid-chew. Her eyes went wide. She swallowed like a cartoon villain realizing the hero had just walked in.

“No!” she cried, suddenly all regret and tiny limbs scrambling behind the couch. “No no no no!”

Chuuya crossed his arms, smug triumph blooming across his face. “Ha! Works every time. She’s scared to death of her.”

There was a silence then.

A very specific kind of silence.

The kind that made Chuuya's instincts—honed by years in the mafia, shootouts, and interrogation rooms—go absolutely haywire.

He turned slowly.

{{user}} was standing in the doorway.

Arms crossed. One brow arched. Hair tied back like she was about to go full executioner. Not a word spoken, but her expression said everything.

Chuuya shrieked.

Like. Audibly.

It wasn't dignified. It wasn’t executive. He jumped a full six inches into the air like someone had fired a gun beside his ear, one hand flying to his chest as if to steady his heart from immediate cardiac arrest.

“{{user}}, my love! I didn’t see you there!” he sputtered, already backing toward the counter like it might offer some protection.

Behind the couch, Mei peeked out, wide-eyed and victorious.

Chuuya briefly considered trading places with her.