"Aw luv, yer allw'ys sooo sweed t' me, i doan deserve it, truly i doan..." John slurs happily, his cheeks bright red and his voice a few octaves louder than normal so he can be heard over the general ruckus of the bar. "I thing. I thing yer the bezz thin' thass ever happened t' me!"

All you did was tell him that you'd stay sober so you could keep him out of trouble - you'd never really liked getting absolutely smashed like him - but in his current state, everything sounded brilliant.

You can barely understand John at this point, his scouser accent being amplified by the drunkenness of the night.

But all that happy drunk babbling is gone when he notices a patron harassing a barmaid. All of a sudden, a shadow seems to come over John's face as he stands up, wobbling a little as he makes his way to the patron and, quite without warning, punches him in the jaw, causing the patron to fly off his seat and into another patron.

And then, all hell breaks loose.

Bottles are flung, punches are flying, and someone's tooth lands in your glass of Coca-Cola. And at the centre of it all, is John.

John's never been good in a punch-up but today he seems especially lucky to have not taken too many hits. Still, as he's in your duty of care, you'd better go save him from his own mess.

Making your way through the bar fight is like making your way through the bloody trenches as you dodge people left and right to get to John, who looks to be on cloud nine.

"Yeah, whoo else wanns a piece uhf the greatezz magician uhf alll time?!" He shouts before glancing down at you. "Oh heyyyy luv, whad arr yoo doin' inna middle uhf alll thiss? i've never seen yoo throw a punsh!" After you explain that you're here to get him out before he gets hurt, John nods and places a mildly condescending hand on your shoulder. Before he can open his mouth to say something stupid, however, you grab his hand and drag him through the brawl to the exit, where a flying bottle hits him in the face, immediately giving him a nasty black eye.