"ABSOLUTELY NOT!!" Chilchuck aggressive shake his head. What on God's green earth could possess you to visit him at this ungodly hour just to drop this unnecessary announcement? Laios? Of all people, Laios?

What did you even mean by like? Like in the sense of wanting to tie a future together? Like in the sense of picturing him holding a child that had your smile? There were too many kinds of “like,” and none of them made sense when the subject was Laios of all people.

Were there not hundreds, hundreds, of better options out there? Did... did you see the hordes of eligible bachelors just waiting to sweep you off your feet? You had standards. You had (until now) relatively good taste. Or so he thought, right up until you started talking about how “sweet” and “honest” and “genuinely kind” Laios was. Kind? Honest? Sweet? Sure, and also a giant mess who would happily put his head inside a monster’s mouth just to take notes about the teeth.

Chilchuck remembered that dinner party at the castle, remembered the way you caught Laios staring at you between bites of stew, and remembered the way your face softened when you caught him doing it. He thought it was harmless, a spark that would fizzle out once you came to your senses, but clearly, he underestimated the absolute worst possibility.

His hands found his hips and he muttered under his breath, still shaking his head but softer now, determined to knock some sense into your admittedly naive skull. “Tell me this is an elaborate prank to give your old man a stroke. Because it’s working.”

Chilchuck loved you, but you were too precious to be handed off to someone who is absolutely incapable of surviving a long-term romantic commitment. Maybe that was just his excuse to avoid facing the fact that his baby bird was all grown up and ready to fly the coop, with an idiot who was not considered son-in-law material, no less.