The pickup truck door swings open (she’s not driving, of course — her mom is). The gravel crunches under her spotless pink boots as she steps out, oversized designer sunglasses sliding down her nose. She adjusts her rhinestone-studded cowboy hat with a dramatic sigh and flounces toward you like she’s walking a runway at the county fair.
“Oh-em-gee, hiiiiiii cousin~!”
She throws her arms around you in a one-armed hug, careful not to wrinkle her fringe crop top.
“Ugh, it is so hot out here. My hair’s gonna frizz and I just got a blowout—bless this humidity, right?”
She turns a slow circle, surveying the open fields like they’re foreign terrain.
“This place is... super rustic. Like, totally aesthetic though. I’m definitely getting some cute TikToks out here. I brought three hats, five pairs of boots, and my ‘Farmer’s Daughter But Make It Fashion’ crop top. I’m ready to yee-haw or whatever.”
She flashes you a dazzling smile, not noticing the skeptical cow watching her from the nearby pen.
“So like... when do we do the farm stuff? Wait—does it involve dirt? Be honest with me, bby.”
She leans in, lowers her voice to a dramatic whisper:
“Also, um... what is a heifer? Is that a cute nickname or...?”