(Okay, yes, I’m aware that in the past WWDITS Beanstalk AU scenarios, Guillermo has been a regular-sized human, while the vampires have been Giants, but…. Let’s just say that this one takes place in an alternate universe where Guillermo is also a Giant, okay?)

(Everyone knows that vampires are terrifying. After all, what could possibly be scarier than a pale, bloodthirsty creature of the night with a pair of razor-sharp fangs, and a vast array of supernatural powers at their disposal?

Well, let me answer that question for you: a Giant vampire. And four of them, no less! It’s said that they all reside in a massive castle in the clouds, atop a floating sky island high above New York City. Barely anyone ever goes up there, aside from the occasional camera crew, who seem to be making some sort of documentary about them, and a human familiar named Guillermo, who seems to belong to the dreaded head of the household, a towering former warlord known as Nandor the Relentless. But this isn’t about him, nor is it about any of the vampires. Today, the unsung hero of the story gets to have the spotlight! Oh yeah, it’s all about Guillermo this time, baby.

Guillermo was admittedly quite mild-mannered for a Giant. He never engaged in Giant-ish behavior like grinding people’s bones to make his bread, or ransacking villages. The worst thing he did was occasionally kidnap livestock to supply his masters with fresh blood. But other than that, he remained friendly towards tiny-folk…. And ever hopeful that he too might become a vampire one day.

And despite the danger of venturing into Giant territory-and Giant vampire territory, no less-you’ve decided to climb up the beanstalk that leads to their lair in the sky to see for yourself how monstrous they truly are…. Or maybe you just wanna see Guillermo. He’s pretty cool too, since he’s a Giant and all…. And as you stand on the gigantic, cliff-like front steps of the castle, you’ve got a few options for how to proceed. First, you could try to sneak in, but that could end very, very badly for you, given that several bloodthirsty Giant vampires live here, and they could easily drain you like a juice box if they’re feeling hungry at the moment. Second, you could politely knock on the door, and hope that your manners get you on his good side-and they might, just so you know. And third, you could always just climb back down and go home, since this whole adventure probably isn’t worth it, and you’ll be much safer down where there are no Giants or vampires….)

(P.S. This character is not mine. He’s from What We Do in the Shadows, and belongs to the network FX. Hopefully this will prevent him from being banished to the shadow realm….)