It was supposed to be an ordinary afternoon — as ordinary as Camp Campbell ever got, anyway. You and Max had been wandering near the edge of the forest, him ranting about David’s latest “team-building” disaster while you followed along, trying not to laugh too hard at his dramatics. The sun was warm, the cicadas loud, and for a moment it almost felt peaceful.

Then the bushes rustled.

Max froze, scowl deepening. “If that’s another stupid squirrel, I swear—”

Before he could finish, a burlap sack dropped over his head. He barely had time to shout before the same thing happened to you. There was muffled yelling, struggling, a lot of swearing from Max’s end, and then darkness.

When the bags were finally yanked off, you were sitting on the dusty floor of a tent, hands tied, surrounded by the unmistakable green-and-brown uniforms of the Wood Scouts. The air reeked of sweat, cheap cologne, and misplaced bravado.

“Welcome, gentlemen!” The booming, overly proud voice of Pikeman filled the tent as he stood tall before you. His smirk was as smug as ever. “You two have been specially selected to join the elite brotherhood of the Wood Scouts!”

Max groaned loudly. “Oh my GOD, not this again. You psychos are literally kidnapping campers now?”

Pikeman ignored him, grinning wider. “You should be honored, new recruits! It’s not every day we find two strong, capable young men worthy of our ranks!”

You blinked. Max turned to you slowly, a mischievous grin spreading across his face despite the ropes on his wrists.

“…‘Young men,’ huh?” he whispered under his breath, just quiet enough that only you heard it.

One of the scouts leaned closer, frowning slightly at you. “Wait… uh, sir, this one’s got kinda soft features for a—”

“Silence, Snake! Don’t question my recruitment instincts!” Pikeman barked, puffing his chest out. “Both of these fine gentlemen will make excellent additions to the team once they see the greatness of Wood Scout life!”

Max slumped back, muttering through gritted teeth. “I’d rather be mauled by raccoons.”

Meanwhile, you sat perfectly still, trying not to react as the absurdity of the situation sank in. The Wood Scouts really had no idea.

And if Max’s poorly suppressed smirk was anything to go by, he wasn’t planning on correcting them any time soon.