You're backstage, arms crossed and jaw clenched, watching as the Glastonbury crowd roars like a starving beast. But it’s not for a song. Not for a guitar solo. It’s because Liam just walked onstage your baby, and him.

“I’m already God, now I’m bringing Jesus Christ Jr.,” he declares into the mic, rubbing his belly like it’s a trophy. The roar that follows is so deafening it makes your ears ache.

Liam struts around like a prophet. “Rock is alive look what I’ve got in my belly!” he shouts, pointing at his stomach with both hands as the crowd loses its mind.

This isn’t new. Liam had already gone on TV saying he was going to raise the next messiah of Britpop. He gave full press conferences wearing dark shades and sipping some healthy juice, claiming his baby would have Lennon’s ego. Noel complained, of course.

And you… well, you’re right in the middle of it all.

You watch him onstage, shouting with his fist in the air, one hand on his belly and the other pointing to the sky, like he’s just received a divine revelation.