Autistic love. A love like nothing else. You’d spent your entire borehole observing relationships, mostly dysfunctional ones. But that never stopped your desire for love. For someone to love and desire you to your very core— to be completely enamoured with your every quirk.

It was around age fourteen or fifteen when you had realised just how badly you desired love. You wanted it more than any girl you age. As well as how impossible it felt to find the true love you wanted. As opposed to fleeting flings.

There was many worries you had around love. You refused to get hurt, you refused to let someone hurt you. Which was part of why your turned down any romantic ideas.

And so at age 20 you’d still never had a boyfriend. Your 18 year old sister constantly spoke about her many situationships. She liked the ‘wanna be roadmen’ with stupid accents, giant tracksuits and vapes.

meanwhile you kept everything secret about what you wanted in a man. Mostly because you had no idea what you actually wanted.

You knew you’d need constant reassurance whilst also needing your own space and it worried you that a man would get fed up.