You’d been a Soldier Boy fan your whole life—vintage merch, old VHS tapes, dusty collector pins. When the news broke that he was alive and fighting downtown, you didn’t think—you grabbed your jacket and ran.

The scene was chaos—smoke, screaming, cars crumpled like soda cans. You finally spotted him, bigger than life, moving through the wreckage—right before a sedan came flying at you and slammed down inches from your feet. There were no robbers in sight. There were more injured people than saved really. Soldier Boy can't possibly be an ass. Absolutely not.