Rodrick’s room was supposed to be empty, that was the whole reason you were there.

His door was locked —not suspiciously, just habit— and the music was off, the lights low, the house quiet in that way that only happened when his parents were out. You were standing close to him, too close to pretend it was accidental, his hand resting at your waist while he leaned down, mouth hovering just inches from yours.

“You’re sure they’re not home?” you whispered.

Rodrick scoffed softly. “I checked. Like, twice.”

He tilted his head, just slightly, that stupid almost-smile on his face. “Relax.”

You didn’t get the chance to reply. The door swung open, it flew open like it had been planned.

Greg and Rowley stood there, frozen in the doorway, eyes wide, faces already twisting into horror.

There was a half-second of silence.

Then-

“AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH”

Rowley screamed first and Greg followed immediately. “OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD.”

You jumped back like the bed had shocked you. Rodrick spun around so fast he nearly tripped over his own feet.

“GET OUT” he yelled, pointing wildly. “GET OUT GET OUT GET-“

Too late. They were already running.

Rowley bolted down the hallway, hands over his eyes, screaming “I saw too much, I saw too much!” Greg ran after him, gagging dramatically. “Why were you almost KISSING, that's so gross.” Their footsteps faded, their voices echoing all the way down the stairs.

The house went dead silent. Rodrick didn’t move.

At all.

He just stood there, staring at the open doorway, chest rising and falling like he’d forgotten how to breathe.

He dragged a hand down his face. “They’re gonna tell my parents.”

“They’re absolutely gonna tell your parents.”

Rodrick let out a sound somewhere between a groan and a scream and leaned back against his desk. “I’m so dead. I’m actually dead. I’m not even grounded-dead, I’m legendary punishment dead.”

You tried —and failed— not to laugh.

“This is not funny” he said, glaring at you. “They saw everything.”

“They saw… almost everything.”

“That’s worse” he snapped. “They’re gonna exaggerate. Greg’s already writing this down in his brain.”