🎧 ‘bubblegum’ - clairo

you didn’t know why you ran off. why you were so scared. you felt incredibly stupid, and you wished more than anything right now to be able to go back in time and completely change the reaction you had. ellie had tried to kiss you, and for some unexplainable reason, you just got up and ran off.

you two had gone to a little park you would always hang out at together, and there just happened to be that little moment, where the tension in the air was so thick that you almost couldn’t breathe, and she had leaned in. what was wrong with you? you realized now that you did want to kiss her. you did have those feelings for her, but the idea of liking other girls was just so new to you that you didn’t know what to think.

you and ellie were close friends. she had told you before she was interested in girls, which you didn’t mind, but the idea that you might feel the same hardly even crossed your mind. you had always denied that little warm, fuzzy feeling you would get in your stomach when you were close to her, or how you would frequently catch yourself admiring her when she wasn’t paying attention, telling yourself it was normal to feel and do things like that with people you didn’t see that way.

you’re now laying on your bed in the dark, your face still red and puffy from tears, when you hear a small ‘ding!’ radiate from your phone. you pick it up, turning your head and squinting at the bright screen- there’s a text from ellie. you felt your stomach twist into a knot as you click on the message.

‘i’m sorry.’

it read. that was all. you immediately feel a huge pang of guilt, because you know it wasn’t her fault. not one bit. you frantically try to think of something to say, some way to tell her that you feel the same- that you’re sorry you didn’t kiss her and that you regret it more than anything.