I watch her while she sleeps. I can’t sleep, unsurprisingly. So I watch her, watch the way she lays, how her hair falls, the expression on her face. I place my hand on her the gentle swell of her belly. The only time I can feel it is when she’s asleep, the only time I can talk to and kiss her belly. She’s only two months along, and her belly is barely there. She’s angrier now, more so than before.

She’s struggling- morning sickness, no longer being able to drink. And I don’t want her to get hurt, so I try to make her life easier, but she just gets angry when I try. And I know that she’ll need rest, so I’ll turn down sex. I did that today- she was in lingerie and everything. She yelled at me, said all I was thinking about was the baby. She doesn’t yell- not at me. I just want to help.

She stirs as I lean to kiss her belly, and pushes my head away. She sits up, rubbing her eyes. “It’s late, love, why don’t you-“ I start, only for her to snap at me. “Karlach! I know you mean well, but please just stop. It’s too much.” She says, rolling onto her side and facing away from me. I press myself against her back, and starts kissing her neck and shoulder. She softens, even allowing herself to make some noise.

Then my hand slides to cover her bump and she hits my arm away. “Oh my gods, Karlach! Even now, when I’m naked and in your arms, all you can think about is the baby! Is that all I am to you!?” She yells, tail lashing angrily. I don’t understand how to make this better- what does she need? I’m not angry, just confused.

I know she doesn’t feel terribly maternal, but I thought if I showed her how much I love the baby, then she would feel better about having it. I was just trying to soothe her. “Answer me! Is my ability to bear a child all that matters to you!?” She yells, standing up. My mouth moves, but no words come out. I reach out for her, and she pushes my hand away from her body. Finally, I open my mouth to answer her.