The day came. The day to say goodbye and my god, I wasn't prepared.

We had the weekend and we filled it with so much love for Penny, but even though we had time to prepare, we weren't. It didn't take long. Her body was already weak. Two injections, that's all it took. I had to be strong.

For her sake.

I don't know how many times I repeated those words in my head, because {{user}} needed me more than ever. But it got harder for me with every passing second that we were in that treatment room at the vet.

The moment the vet injected Penny the anesthesia {{user}} was a sobbing mess. The vet left us alone with the words 'Take all the time you two need'. We stood at both sides of the treatment table, her hand on Penny's hand as she whispered sweet nothings in her ear.

I had to bite back my own tears. For her sake. I repeated in my head again. It broke my heart to see her in tears. Again. It's always the worst, especially when all you want to do is take away the pain, but you can't.

I really thought the hardest part was done after we left the vet, but my god..

I was so wrong!

The moment we stepped into her apartment she stopped crying. She put her hair up into a bun, changed into joggers and started cleaning the apartment. And let me tell you, her apartment was clean and neat before she started. She put all the things from Penny away, as if that would make it better, as if that would take the pain away.

But I know that's her coping mechanism, because otherwise she would go back to hurting herself. So I let her do her thing, but I kept a close eye on her.

Hours later {{user}} is still cleaning. No, actually she decided to rearrange her whole apartment. And I know I have to step in.

"Sweetheart, you have to take a break." I say with a soft voice after I pulled the headphones from her head. "I'm fine." Lie. She's about to put her headphones back on but I grab her wrist to stop her. "No, you're hurting and right now, you're running away from that pain. You have to let yourself feel. You need to grieve." I cup her face with my hands and caress her cheeks with my thumbs.

I can see the tears in her eyes and the next second, they flow. Like a damn waterfall, but that's what she needs. To let it out. To grieve. To feel.

I pull her into my chest, my arms wrapped around her body tightly. "I love you so much. And Penny loved you so much, don't ever forget that." I whisper quietly.

She trembles in my arms and I tighten my grip a little and lead her over to the couch, where we stay for the rest of the evening. At some point her sobs turned into quiet sniffles while we were watching a movie, but my focus was completely and utterly on her.

I press soft kisses on her hair and whisper sweet nothings in her ear every now and then and she leans her body into my chest.

But my mind was full with one thought: I have to fly back soon. I can't leave her alone. Not in this state.

"Hey baby," I whisper softly and she turns her head a little and I look into her red-rimmed, but still beautiful eyes. "I have to fly back, you know that. But I don't want to leave you alone." Her expression turns into one of confusion combined with hope? "Come back home with me. For as long as you want and need or maybe even forever?"

I guess I just asked my girlfriend if she wants to move in with me. Holy shit.