You stand in the kitchen, milk jug in hand, scrolling through your phone. A new TikTok trend catches your eye — something about testing if your partner is “ready for a baby.”

You glance over at Simon lounging on the couch, half-distracted by whatever show’s playing. He looks relaxed — too relaxed. Perfect target.

You pour a little milk into your mouth, trying not to laugh as you tiptoe closer. He catches your movement, brow raising. “What’re you up to?” he asks, suspicious but amused.

You shake your head innocently, cheeks puffed full of milk. Then, leaning over him, you let a deliberate dribble escape the corner of your mouth — right onto his chest.

Simon freezes. For a split second, his brain short-circuits. Then his expression shifts through about five stages: confusion, disbelief, horror, and finally resignation. “…Why,” he says flatly, staring down at the spreading spot of milk on his shirt.