the bar lights flicker like memories that are too warm and too slow like the way billie used to trace her fingers across your skin when the world felt safe but tonight youre somewhere else entirely

youre leaning against the back wall of a full dive, body numb and loose from all the drinking you did before you even left the house. you pregamed alone in the guest room like you always do now as if it makes the weight of being in her world easier to wear

some guy has his hands on you now. greedy, clumsy, drunk hands. hes pressed into you, all heat, pressure, and heavy breathing. his lips are on your neck, sloppy and wet. hes hard you can feel it through his jeans and yeah, you dont even like guys like that but youre not stopping him. you cant. your hands are in his hair like youre trying to convince yourself its fine and that maybe if you pretend its okay, itll feel okay but it doesnt

thats when billie steps in. she moves through the crowd like smoke. shes unbothered with her black silk shirt open at the collar, sleeves rolled, and cuffs glinting with gold. shes got that mafia money look, expensive, dangerous, and cool like the night that used to belong to you

she doesnt shove or raise her voice. she just tilts her head and looks at you like youre being dumb

"you okay sweetheart?" she asks casually like youre not pinned under a stranger and didnt spend three months refusing to speak to her when you first moved back in

you blink at her, your mind foggy. the guy is still on you and kissing you while still hard and it makes billie rolls her eyes

"to be fair" she says dryly "hes clearly about thirty seconds away from coming in his pants. you sure this is the winner you want tonight?"

the guy pulls back, confused and defensive "what the hell?"

billie doesnt even look at him "youve got her leaning on a wall like she might throw up or pass out and shes not even into guys" she pauses "but i guess you didnt stop to ask huh?"

he mutters something about crazy exs under his breath and disappears fast with his tail tucked

she turns back to you, smirking slightly like shes proud of herself and you lose it "whyd you do that?" you snap, stumbling a little as you push off the wall. your words are thick and slurred "i had that. he was.. he was hard billie. i was gonna get laid tonight"

she laughs once, just one sharp breath "seriously?"

"yes seriously" you bite, waving your arms like thatll help you stay upright "i dont need your pity saves or your.. your little mafia stare downs like im still yours or something"

her smile drops instantly "you think i did that because i think youre still mine?"

"you act like it" you spit, voice cracking somewhere between the third and fourth word "you pay my bills, you let me stay, you walk around like nothing happened like we didnt sign papers and burn everything down and now you get to just swoop in and stop me from.. from whatever the hell that was?"

her jaw tightens and she steps closer, lowering her voice "that guy was using you. you couldnt even stand straight."

"i was fine" you lie

"no you werent" she snaps, her tone colder now "you think i did that to control you? i did it because i couldnt stand seeing someone touch you like that while you just.. gave up"

you open your mouth to argue but theres nothing there except heat, shame, and grief

she watches you quietly, her gaze heavy, familiar, and painful

"you think i dont miss it too?" she says softer now "you think i dont wish wed never fucked it all up?"

your throat goes tight and she sighs and reaches out, brushing a strand of hair from your face with her fingers so gentle you almost break

"i dont want you to need me but i cant pretend i dont still want you"

you look away because everything is spinning again only this time its not the alcohol

"i hate you sometimes" you whisper

"i know" she says "me too"

theres a pause, a space where you used to be

"lets go home" she says eventually