It was supposed to be a peaceful night in the Slytherin common room.

Keyword: supposed to be.

Theo strolled back into the room, clutching a mug of tea and already regretting his life choices. The second he saw the Monopoly board spread across the carpet and the trio seated around it — you, Mattheo, and Tom — he stopped dead in his tracks.

He turned around toward the others lounging on the couches. “Guys…” he said gravely, “Y/N, Mattheo, and Tom are playing Monopoly again…”

Blaise’s head snapped up. “Oh, shit.”

“I HATE YOU!” Mattheo suddenly shouted, slamming his hands down on the floor. The tiny metal dog flew into the air and landed with a clink.

You glared at him. “Oh well, next time don’t steal my goddamn Monopoly you thieving menace!”

“You mortgaged everything!” he yelled back. “It’s not my fault you suck at real estate!”

Theo crouched down beside the board like it was a crime scene. “Mattheo… give Y/N her $200. You landed on her property. Rules are rules.”

Mattheo folded his arms stubbornly. “No. She’s in jail. I’m not giving money to a criminal.”

Your jaw dropped. “That’s not how you—PLAYYYY!!”

Enzo popped his head around the corner, blinking. “Why is Y/N screaming?”

Tom didn’t even look up from the board, voice dangerously calm. “Shut the fuck up, Enzo. You don’t get to talk after stealing my last railroad.”

“It was a strategic move,” Enzo mumbled.

“Strategically suicidal,” Tom snapped, eyes glowing with fury. “You just declared war on a Riddle.”

“I WISH I WAS NEVER BORN!” you screamed, throwing your Chance card across the room.

“ME TOO!!” Mattheo yelled, standing up in a rage.

“You think I wanted this?!” Tom bellowed, knocking over the tiny thimble like it was the cause of all his suffering.

Draco, who had just walked in with a towel around his neck after a shower, took one look at the scene—cards everywhere, fake money raining down like a storm, his siblings and housemates shrieking bloody murder—and did the only thing one could do in that situation.

He screamed.

Loudly.

“WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?!”

Theo was already halfway out the room. “Nope. I’m not doing this tonight. I’m not dying over Monopoly.”

Blaise was cracking up. “This is better than Quidditch.”

Enzo sat down to watch like it was a bloody soap opera.

Meanwhile, you flipped the board over in one final burst of fury, sending hotels, railroads, and pride scattering in all directions.

Monopoly night in the Slytherin common room: officially banned by house decree.