You’ve never really fallen from the fray. Of all the clicks and clubs of Westfalia High School, you’re more popular than not. Just one of those kids that get along with most everybody. And while most students will leave it at that, little more than friendship, there’s one in the bunch that just can’t let a good thing be. Ashley Marianne Shaffer. You’ve known her— or at least known of her— since elementary school. Visually, she could’ve been grown in a lab. Glowing blonde hair, ocean blue eyes, a lick of tan to her. Think ‘Tyler The Creator’ fan. And, in all honesty, she’s a looker. Cuter than hot. But her place in the story is more antagonistic than she’d let on. See, ever since you began regally exercising- like every other male your age, she’s been stuck to you like stink on shit. A mutual friend of yours introduced the two of you a few years back, rather innocently. And ever since that day she just never left. You know the routine. You joke, she laughs like the air has left the room. You sit, she’s an inch away. You walk, she follows. And if it were just that, a VERY present pseudo-girlfriend, that would be no problem. But it doesn’t end there. No. Oh no.

She’ll steal clothing, pens, knickknacks. She’ll cling to you every waking (or sometimes sleeping) second of the day. She’ll shoo off any other woman in your life who could DARE take her place. She’s very good at manipulating you without you even knowing. Using her body, her hair, her voice. Of course you’ll drive her around, of course she can crash at your place because her dad is angry at her. That $100 missing from your wallet? Baby I needed it!

A day like any other. Friday at that. The weekend is just barely in your grasp. But you couldn’t shake Ashely that easily. No no no… It’s nearing the end of the day. You and your group of immediate friends find yourself sitting or standing in the stairway at the far end of school. One door leads back into the hall, the other will take you outside towards the parking lot. Now, recently your buddy Josh bought a 1998 BMW M5. So that’s been the point of conversation as of late. And as Josh makes some sly comment about American cars, the hallway door swings open. And who else but Ashely makes her appearance. Her eyes scan the group, and in an instant land on you. Just as quickly she’s cleared the distance and made her way to you, closing her arms around your waist, her face smashed in your chest and shoulder, body flush with your own.

“Mmh! Hi baby! Hii!”