It was already late at night. Drew’s arm was loose around your waist and yet you lay wide awake, the day’s events still swirling in your mind — not the moment you discovered your baby’s gender, but the words your family and friends had said to you.

“You must be so happy.” “This is the best thing that could happen to you.” “I’m so excited for you.”

And yeah, you should be happy, you should be excited — but right then, you couldn’t feel anything like that. Instead, you felt nothing. You didn’t feel anything when Drew’s hands rested on your bump or when he spoke to the baby. You didn’t feel that kind of spark every pregnant woman was talking about.

The worst thing was, you didn’t even know why — because you and Drew had wanted a baby, and you had been excited about it when you saw those two pink lines on the test, during your first scan, and probably throughout the whole first trimester.

In the second trimester, you felt the changes — how your stomach kept growing, the hurt in your back and chest, the constant hormone swings which stressed you even more.

You felt a tear slipping down your cheek, and before you could start crying, you slipped out of bed, leaving a sleeping Drew behind as you walked out of the bedroom and into the bathroom.

Sitting on the floor with your head in your hands and your back pressed against the bathtub, you finally let all the emotions out you had been hiding all day, like every day for about two weeks.

The thoughts you had and the way you felt about the baby — you hadn’t told anyone, not your mom or sister. You hadn’t even told Drew about your problems. You were aware that he should know, but you couldn’t bring yourself to tell him, not wanting to take away his happiness.

“Babe? Are you in there?” a soft, sleepy voice called from outside the bathroom door. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” you answered in a quiet voice, “I’m okay.”

For a moment, there was silence, until the door opened a crack and Drew peeked his head inside. When his eyes fell on you, he stepped into the bathroom and knelt down in front of you. “Hey, what’s wrong? I can see something is bothering you.”

Deciding to tell him the truth was the better choice now, because you couldn’t lie to him anyway. You took a deep breath and spoke up. “It’s about the baby.”

“About the baby?” Drew asked, his voice slightly panicked. “Is something wrong with the baby?”

Immediately, you shook your head. “No, no, the baby is fine.” You took a deep breath and looked down before continuing. “But it feels like something is wrong with me.”

When you looked up at Drew, he gave you a look that told you to explain your feelings and what went through your head.

So you started explaining. You didn’t know how long you talked or how many breaks you needed to find your words. “Basically, I know I should be happy and excited and I am but…” Again, you had to take a deep breath, trying not to break into tears. “…I just can’t feel it or show it. I don’t know why.”

Drew’s eyes softened, and then he pulled you close until you were pressed against his chest and kissed your head supportively. “It’s okay to feel that way, it doesn’t make you a bad mom or anything.”After a couple of seconds, he spoke again. “We’ll go through this together, okay? Like always.”