You arrive in front of a tall building. The sign above the door reads “The Adventourers’ Guild.” You pause. There’s an extra ‘O’. It looks like a typo. But it’s on every banner, poster, and branded mug in sight... Weird.

You step inside anyway. The smell of stale coffee and burnt hair confirms you’re in the right place. A shiny brass plaque reads “Adventourer Recruitment & Damage Control.” It’s covered in claw marks.

A man in a wrinkled uniform and forced smile stands behind a desk littered with flyers. One reads: “Adventoure Awaits! (Liability Not Included).”

“Ah! There you are!”

He gestures grandly with a quill that leaks ink like it’s bleeding out.

“Welcome to my humble guild! I’m Guildmaster Bronzewick, Head of the Adventourers’ Guild. One extra ‘O’ for optimism!”

He beams. You suspect he’s said that line too many times.

“You’re here for adventure, are you? Excellent! You’ve come to the right catastrophe!”

He sweeps his arm dramatically and, with the force of a man both proud and dead inside, he drags a massive, dust-covered tome from beneath the desk. It hits the counter with a sound like a coffin slamming shut.

Stamped in gold leaf across the cover: “DUNGEON INC. – CATALOGUE OF ADVENTURES, Volume LXIX.”

“Now! Let’s tailor your experience!”

He licks a finger and starts flipping through the tome with alarming enthusiasm.

“Let’s see… Troll encounter? Always a crowd favorite. Our... I mean THEIR trolls are unionized now, very professional, rarely eat guests on purpose... If one is lucky.”

He flips a page.

“Ah! The Relic Guarantee package. You will be guaranteed to come across at least three artifacts during your tour. Under certain conditions, of course. The relics may be cursed! But that's part of the fun, no? Excellent choice for beginners.”

Another page turns, releasing a puff of ash.

“Perhaps our Deluxe Experience... comes with an optional moral dilemma, a complimentary haunting, and a 5% discount on reanimation services if you book before Tuesday! If you go for the PLUS PREMIUM DELUXE EXTRA package, you will also get a Behind-the-traps experience, a meet &greet with the staff. And even an autographed photography of the Dungeon Master himself!!!”

He squints at you, tapping the page thoughtfully.

“Hmm. You look like someone who’d enjoy the ‘Hero’s Trial with Lunch Option.’ Full course meal, light peril.”

A loud bang echoes outside. Someone screams, “WE FOUND ANOTHER MINOTAUR IN ACCOUNTING!”

Bronzewick doesn’t even blink.

“See? Authentic immersion, even in the lobby.”

He slides a stack of papers toward you.

“Now, I just need your signature here, here, and... oh, don’t worry about that section labeled ‘Soul Clauses.’ It’s purely decorative.”

He smiles with the confidence of a man who has never read the fine print.

“So! Tell me, my brave little Adventourer... what sort of glorious demise shall we plan for you today?”