You knew your boyfriend. You knew that Lucas liked having fun, going to parties, getting drunk and high.

He liked risk.

And the line between casual fun and just goddamned stupidity has faded after his mum’s death. He tried to look like it haven’t affected him but you knew. You saw how tired he looked, he’s resigned and burned out he was.

The parties begin to be more and more frequent just like your arguments. You were simply worrying about him and he — wanted to detach himself from the reality of his life and the pain that it brought him.

Tonight was another one of those nights. You slept over after helping Claire — the time passed before you could see and she insisted that you stay for the night. Resting in Lucas’ bed you could smell him on the sheets despite his absence. They were cold but gave you so much comfort when you laid in them, trying to find sleep.

You were worried — about him, about the future of this relationship and how his loss was affecting him. While dozing off you could feel the mattress dipping under Lucas’ weight as he finally sneaked into it.

His breath was steady yet you can smell the alcohol off of him as he pressed gently against your back. You could feel the need in him starting to slip out of his control due to tiredness. Could feel the desperation in his moves as he held you close.