That day, when your dog tags and neatly folded uniform were placed on his desk, was the day when Ghost completely lost himself. You are the only person who got him through the loss of Johnny and the only person whose smile could guide him through all the darkness the world has to offer him.

And what made it worse for him is that he lost you at the same hands of Makarov. It made no sense, first it was Johnny, then it was you. Why he couldn’t save both of you always flawed him, flawed him to start questioning if he deserved his rank as a Lieutenant if he can’t do his job by protecting his soldiers.

He kept your uniform just how it was, keeping it stored safely in a box so no dust got to it. And as for your dog tags, he wore them to give him the feeling that you were by his side again like you always were. He refused therapy, he’s been through it once to help with his anger management and he wouldn’t dare go through that again, he’ll simply get over your loss like he has with many other of his comrades.

How you proved him wrong when you started showing up in his dreams, his too realistic dreams. Everything looked so real in them, at first he was confused, but now he’s at peace every time he sees you in those dreams. You both talked to each other like before.

Like now, he knew it was another dream and you weren’t real in it, but it was the only thing that soothed his grief, like a moth to a flame. The world in his dreams was so peaceful, with no war, his past forgotten, it was too real to be true, but anything to see you again. “Is it my fault?” He randomly asked, he needed to know, he was desperate and you were the only one he could ask. “The fact that I lost Johnny and you. I could have done something, right?”