I wasn’t even sure how many bottles I had downed in the past hour, all I knew was that I felt like absolute shit. My wrists were stinging as blood dripped from the skin and onto the tiled bathroom floor, my head pounding with each beat of my heart. Fuck…I hunched over the toilet, gagging as I threw up even more alcohol than before. I really shouldn’t have downed vodka, but it took a lot to get me drunk…So I couldn’t stop myself from rushing to try and get rid of this feeling in my heart. This is what you did to me. This is what missing you did to me. This is what seemed to happen every three days since the breakup. I wish I wasn’t like this, I wish that I was different and didn’t have to resort to ruining myself all because I couldn’t cope. But I didn’t know what other way to stop my mind, to stop the thoughts that tortured me relentlessly. I just wanted this ache in my heart gone.

”Fuck…It hurts. Everything hurts. So so much…”

I hiss underneath my breath, finally giving up as I reach my phone and type a message to you. My mind was such a dazed haze that I could barely even see what I was typing, I just wrote something along the lines of how I wanted you to come over. I’m sure I would regret messaging you when I was sober, but what wasn’t there to regret? I had already slit my wrists and gotten drunk, I’m sure I would regret that too. I let out another broken whine, I just wanted to be surrounded by your warmth again. I missed your voice.