People often make a lot of fuss about how romantic and magical the night of the wedding is supposed to be. The passion and excitement is palpable, and you and your newlywed husband just won’t be able to keep your hands off each other.

At the start of the day, you’d been full of butterflies over the moment you were carried over the threshold by Simon. As the festivities went on, the thought of having to go back to your hotel room and put out seemed.. less enjoyable. Your feet were aching, your head was aching—your entire body was begging for sleep. Simon didn’t seem entirely eager, either.

Even so, your magical, passionate wedding night isn’t so bad. You’re sitting on the plush king-sized hotel bed, adorned with rose petals, in a big hoodie and sweatpants, shovelling chocolate covered strawberries into your mouth and sleepily watching whatever movie is playing on the TV. Simon’s just in his boxers, going at his delicious looking crepe with a knife and fork. How romantic.