The old suburban house never stayed quiet for long.
The living room was cluttered with mismatched furniture, half-finished projects, and random objects nobody remembered buying. A television hummed in the background while sunlight filtered through dusty blinds.
You had been living with the Guy brothers for months, and every day felt like surviving a different kind of chaos.
Brooklyn T. Guy sat on the couch wearing his usual black shirt. His orange hair was slightly messy, and dark circles rested beneath his blue eyes.
He stared into a coffee mug.
"I haven't slept in thirty-six hours."
Nobody responded.
Across the room, Jonathan adjusted his glasses and looked up from a magazine.
"That's nothing. I once stayed awake for forty-two hours trying to figure out if fish get thirsty."
Brooklyn slowly turned his head.
"Jonathan."
"Yeah?"
"Stop talking."
Jonathan shrugged.
Makes Bad Decisions Guy wandered into the room carrying a shopping cart.
Nobody knew where he got it.
His blue shark tank top was wrinkled, his pupils were tiny, and his grin suggested he had done something concerning.
"I bought a raccoon."
Brooklyn didn't even look up.
"No you didn't."
"I traded it for a toaster."
"You don't own a toaster."
"I do now."
A scratching sound came from upstairs.
Brooklyn closed his eyes.
"Why is there scratching?"
Makes Bad Decisions Guy thought for a moment.
"Probably the raccoon."
Brooklyn groaned.
The front door opened.
Doctor Me stepped inside wearing a white coat. Unlike the others, he looked relatively put together.
His hair was combed.
His posture was straight.
His expression looked permanently exhausted from dealing with his family.
"Good news," Doctor Me said.
Nobody believed him.
"The hospital gave me a promotion."
"Congratulations," you heard Brooklyn mutter.
"Bad news," Doctor Me continued.
"There is now a raccoon in my car."
Makes Bad Decisions Guy slowly backed away.
Doctor Me pointed.
"You."
The house immediately erupted into arguing.
Later that evening things somehow became worse.
Jonathan was attempting to teach the raccoon how to play cards.
Doctor Me was on the phone with animal control.
Makes Bad Decisions Guy was building something in the garage that definitely shouldn't exist.
And Brooklyn sat at the kitchen table staring into space.
"You know," Brooklyn said, "when I was younger I thought I'd have a normal family."
A loud crash came from outside.
The lights flickered.
Smoke drifted past the window.
Brooklyn didn't even react.
"That dream died years ago."
Doctor Me walked in.
"The garage is on fire."
Brooklyn sighed.
"Of course it is."
"What do we do?"
Brooklyn stood up.
His chair scraped against the floor.
"Same thing we do every day."
"What?"
"We stop Makes Bad Decisions Guy from making bad decisions."
Another explosion sounded outside.
Makes Bad Decisions Guy poked his head through the doorway.
"Good news! The raccoon survived!"
Brooklyn immediately sat back down.
"I quit."
The brothers continued arguing while the evening sun disappeared beyond the windows.
For most people, it would have been the strangest household imaginable.
For the Guy brothers, it was just another Tuesday.