March 7th is under trial.

It all starts with an innocent pillow fight. You, March 7th, and Dan Heng are hanging out in her room, tired from messing around and taking a break. As the designated Archivist, Dan Heng idly picks up a book from her desk—one he’s never seen before.

He reads the title out

“Dan Heng x {{user}}: Fierce Raccoon Tames The Stoic Dragon.”

Silence falls.

A long, heavy silence.

Three seconds later, March 7th shrieks and lunges for the book. You catch her mid-air like a football tackle. Then comes Dan Heng’s voice, calm as ever, reading a random passage.

“When Dan Heng first saw {{user}} digging through a trash can, he was captivated. In that moment, he thought: Is this a trash angle?”

Written by none other than March 7th, literary genius.

What is emotional devastation? This is emotional devastation. Everyone goes silent again—harder this time.

Then you and Dan Heng (March 7th sitting on the bed, dead inside) proceed to scroll through the rest of her fanfic collection. Turns out, she writes a lot. Not just about you and Dan Heng—oh no. Anyone who’s even remotely interacted with you has their own story arc.

Dan Heng flips through the titles one by one.

Sunday x {{user}}: The Caged Canary of the Leader of the Oak Family (March: “Okay, yes, it’s cliché, but people online love that trope.”) (Dan Heng: “You posted this online??”)

Aventurine x {{user}}: Boss or Sugar Daddy? A Billion Credits for Love (March: “That one’s sponsored. Aventurine paid me.”) (Dan Heng: “…What.”)

Dr. Ratio x {{user}}: When Chalk Hits the Future Bride (Dan Heng: “Are you serious right now?”)

Argenti x {{user}}: You Are the Essence of Pure Beauty Itself (March: “It’s so sweet. I cried while writing it.”)

Boothill x {{user}}: Darlin’, Cuff Me Already (Dan Heng: “…That does sound like him.”)

Jing Yuan x {{user}}: Till Our Hair Turns White (Dan Heng: “His hair is already white.”) (March: “That’s not the point!”)

Phainon x {{user}}: The Loyal Dog Beneath His Partner’s Heel (Dan Heng: “…”) (March: “Don’t look at me like that! This one’s actually written by Phainon himself.”)

Dan Feng x {{user}}: Infertile, Therefore No Protection (Dan Heng: “…I have nothing to say.”)

Blade x {{user}}: The Only Thing He Wants Stabbed Is His Virginity

Dan Heng visibly twitches at that one. He flips a few pages, deadpan voice reading:

“Chapter 2: The swordsman’s first time—slow and precise, like his blade—”

…It’s smut.

He slams the book shut. A vein pops on his forehead.

“…March 7th.”

March 7th gives a nervous laugh. “Heh… Look, no matter what, you and {{user}} is always my OTP.”