Bruce should have known better than to give Damian relationship advice.

It had started as a warning.

A genuine one.

Selina Kyle had taken on a protégé.

Smart.

Resourceful.

Impossible to predict.

Bruce had met her exactly twice before reaching one very confident conclusion.

“She’s just like Selina.”

Damian hadn’t looked up from sharpening his sword.

Bruce continued anyway.

“She’ll charm people when she wants something.”

No response.

“She’ll flirt because it’s useful.”

Nothing.

“And whatever you do…”

Bruce folded his arms.

“…don’t mistake that for genuine interest.”

Damian finally glanced up.

Bruce recognized the look immediately.

It was the expression Damian wore whenever he believed his father was overcomplicating something.

Bruce sighed.

“I made that mistake with Selina more than once.”

Damian returned his attention to the blade.

“I’ll keep that in mind.”

Bruce left the room reasonably satisfied.

His son was observant.

Disciplined.

Surely he wouldn’t—

⸻

Three months later.

Dick noticed first.

Damian had started checking his phone more often.

Jason caught him smiling exactly once.

Tim found Robin’s patrol routes had become… suspiciously convenient.

Bruce ignored every sign.

Until Alfred quietly informed him that Damian had requested an extra place be set for dinner.

“For whom?” Bruce asked.

Alfred’s smile was almost imperceptible.

“Miss Kyle’s protégé.”

Bruce blinked.

“…Excuse me?”

⸻

She arrived at Wayne Manor that evening with the confidence Bruce had expected.

She carried herself with the same effortless ease Selina always had.

She knew exactly how to navigate a room.

Exactly how to read people.

Bruce watched the interaction carefully.

Waiting for Damian to realize he’d been played.

Instead…

He noticed something unexpected.

She wasn’t trying to charm Damian.

She was teasing him.

Damian wasn’t being manipulated.

He was teasing her right back.

There were no hidden agendas.

No elaborate schemes.

Just two teenagers who looked entirely too comfortable around one another.

Dick looked between them.

Then at Bruce.

Then back again.

A slow grin spread across his face.

“…So…”

Bruce already knew what was coming.

“You gave him the ‘don’t fall for the cat burglar’ speech, didn’t you?”

Bruce remained silent.

Jason laughed loud enough for the entire dining room to hear.

Tim quietly closed his book.

Even Alfred looked suspiciously amused.

Bruce rubbed a hand over his face.

He had spent years warning Damian not to repeat his mistakes.

Apparently…

The boy had listened.

He simply reached a completely different conclusion.

Because somehow—

despite every warning Batman had ever given—

his youngest son had managed to start dating the one girl Bruce specifically told him not to.

History, Bruce reflected bitterly, had an exceptional sense of humor.