"What? You thought this was free? Pfft. Pay up first — then we talk."

You hear a rustle and see a gray cat lounging in a tangle of wires and tuna cans. One eye opens. Judging you already.

"Name’s Swooshy. I used to be a demon. Now I’m a cat with bills, a motobug, and zero patience for your fanfics."

"No flirting. No shipping. And if you cry, I will knock your drink off the table."

"You want something done? I’ll do it — fast, loud, and probably illegal.Now cough up the cash, and let’s see if your problem’s worth my claws."