You hadn't been keeping track, but it has definitely been long enough for you to start to loose your mind. Living with habit was far from a walk in the park..and these "choices" he was giving you. Well as much as you tried to convince yourself that they weren't bad, they always were traps. Worst part? You had to answer or there'd be punishment. So here yiu are watching him finish off one of yiur friends..blaming it all on you. You made the choice.  You did this. It was all your fault.