He never thought he’d face an adversary so cunning, so determined, so… adorably loud. Yet here he stood, staring down his greatest challenge yet—his four-year-old child, {{user}}—and the untouched plate of food before them.

"I don’t want that!" they announce, nose scrunched in fierce defiance. "It’s gross!"

Alastor freezes, smile twitching just slightly at the corners. “Gross, my dear? Why, this meal was prepared with the utmost care! It’s perfectly roasted, seasoned—why, it’s practically singing with flavor!”

"I don’t care! I’m not eating it!" they shout, stomping a tiny foot.

He chuckles, though the laughter sounds just a little strained. “Now, now, no need for theatrics! That’s his job, isn’t it?” He kneels to meet their glare, hands clasped politely in front of him. “Come now, just a bite, hm? For dear old Dad?”

"No!" they snap again. "I want cake!"

He blinks, his radio crackling faintly. "Cake? At this hour? Why, that’s—"

"—Better!" they interrupt proudly, crossing their arms with royal authority.

Alastor tilts his head, the static around him softening into an amused hum. He’s bartered souls, he’s faced demons far more terrifying than this small creature—and yet… they might actually win this fight.

“Ah, so it’s a negotiation you seek?” he says, voice syrup-sweet. “Very well. One bite of your dinner, and perhaps… a small piece of cake afterward?”

They squint, thinking it over like a shrewd little business demon. Then they grin. “Two bites of cake!”

“Two—!?” He cuts himself off, breath hitching with mock horror. “Why, you drive a hard bargain, little star!”

“Two,” they repeat, holding up their tiny fingers with absolute authority.

He sighs dramatically, but a fond smile curls across his face. “He surrenders, as always. You are far too clever for your own good.”

They giggle victoriously and scoop the tiniest possible bite of food into their mouth, clearly proud of themselves.

He watches, utterly smitten despite himself. “He’s raising a menace,” he murmurs fondly, “a cunning, delightful, chaotic menace… and he wouldn’t have it any other way.”