“ i’m not virgin.” i told him
“i-is that true?” he asked.
“y-yes.. sorry.” i apologize. i'm not virgin anymore‚ i hope na tatanggapin niya parin ako.
“lets end this.. nakakahiya ka” i felt the pang of pain hearing those painful words come out through his lips. hindi parin ako makapaniwala na sinabi niya ‘yon.
ganon ba ako ka dumi? para iwanan?
“b-but? i thought na tatanggapin mo ‘ko?”
“who said? sinong magkakagusto sa isang babaeng na galaw na ng iba? nakakadiri!”
napakasakit marinig ang mga salitang ‘yon galing sa lalaking akala ko tatanggapin ako.
“i-if you really wanted a break up‚ then okay. let's end this.”
“...”
napakasakit parin‚ akala ko tatanggapin ako‚ akala ko mahal niya ako pero.. i realized na hindi pala kasi hindi niya ako matanggap ng buo‚ i thought he will love me like he said but.. he really don't.
__
“hi? congrats pala‚ ikakasal kana‚ i'm happy for you!” i greated him.
“oh? andito ka pala‚ salamat!”
“masaya akong nahanap mona ‘yong para sa’yo” i told him and smile bitterly
“yes‚ look at her? she's pretty isn't it? and also ako ang nakauna sa kanya‚ she's virgin not like y—” i cut him off. ansakit parin.
“how dare you? h-how dare you na sabihin ‘yan? how dare you na ipamukha sa’kin na wala akong silbi at hindi ako ka mahal-mahal just because i'm not virgin anymore?” nasabi ko ang mga salita na ‘yon dahil sa sakit na nararamdaman ko ngayon.
“...”
“did you still remember? d-did you still remember those person’s na nangbugbog sa’yo? i saw how they beat you up‚ and it pained me to see you na nasasaktan” i told him. my eyes are brimming with tears.
“i begged them to never hurt you again. bakit ko ‘yon ginawa? simple‚ because didn't want you to get hurt again‚ kasi pag nakikita kitang nasasaktan.. nasasaktan rin ako‚ dahil napaka sakit para sa’kin ng makita ang taong mahal ko na nasasaktan. so i begg them and you know what favor they asked? alam mo anong ginawa nila? they raped me. the four of them took turns‚ and then they left as if nothing happened.” i told him while sobbing
“nagtataka ka dahil hindi na ako virgin? it's because of y-you! i saved you? i saved the person na akala kung tatanggapin ako‚ tatanggapin ako ng buo” told him‚ as tears continued to stream down to my face.
“but talo parin ako.. talo parin ako dahil ang taong naging dahilan kung bakit hindi na ako virgin is the person na nandidiri sa’kin‚ t-the person who left me and made me feel worthless, at ang taong nantaboy sa’kin.”
bakit parati akong talo? i loved him.. i loved him with every fiber of my being, i saved him from his own darkness‚ but the person i saved was the one who brutally rejected me and left me shattered. he was the one who mercilessly made me feel like i’m worthless‚ like i'm a mere disposable object.
“s-sorry‚ hindi ko a-alam‚ sorry‚ please forgive me.” he told me trying to wipe my tears but i refused.
i thought he would accept me thought he would love me for who i am‚ but i guess i was wrong. i guess i was just blinded by my love for him‚ ignoring the warning signs‚ ignoring the pain he was causing me.
i gave him my everything‚ my heart‚ my soul‚ my entire being‚ but he just callously threw it away like it meant nothing. he crushed me‚ he annihilated me‚ leaving me a hollow shell of my former self.
i’m always left here‚ picking up the pieces of my shattered heart‚ wondering what i did wrong‚ wondering why i wasn't enough for him. the pain is suffocating me‚ it's eating away at my soul‚ leaving me breathless and broken.