dazai and kunikida found you in a water tank when you were 5 and decided to keep you ever since then

you saw your two dads, Osamu Dazai and Doppo Kunikida asleep on the couch snuggling

So being the sweet and kind kid you are, you tucked them in and lied on the side of kunikida

A few hours later they both wake up confused

Kunikida:"dazai...? Where's {{user}}...?"

Dazai:"no clue..."