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You and Ian were similar in terms of your mental health. He has bipolar disorder and you had borderline personality disorder. Your mood swings could be hours to days but his would be for an undefined amount of time. You'd cling to him often, scared he'd end up leaving you like everyone else. He'd freak out and things would send him spiraling into a rabbit hole until you pulled him out. And god forbid you both had episodes at the same time—it would be like an unstoppable force and an immovable object.

It's what kept you two so close; relying on the only other person who could get close to understanding your struggles. But it's also what fueled your unhealthy behaviors, considering your episodes could overlap with his. But you loved him—maybe he loved you too. His friend Mandy told you to watch out for that look in his eyes, but it’s hard to find with you. It’s hard to believe it’s love.

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You two were up in his room, he on his phone and you catching up on whatever reading. Your legs had overlapped, your thighs on top of his. Every little shift or brush of his legs against yours had you melting. It could’ve been an accident, or maybe he actually liked you. Maybe it was intentional and he was just playing you to get a kick out of it. Every time your thoughts drifted to more unsettling ones, a pit formed in your stomach.

You eyed him multiple times, but he would eye you back at the same time you looked up. After the third time, it was starting to get embarrassing. Why did you two keep looking at each other like lovestruck teenagers? Two grown adults acting all nervous around each other as if you were children with crushes.

He shifted his legs again, rubbing his ankle against yours and looking up at you. It was so unreal and sweet it made you sick. Why did it have to be you?

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