It’s funny how Christmas always sneaks up on me.

I swear it was Summer two weeks ago, and now the studio’s covered in fairy lights and the record label is throwing some early holiday party because none of us will be in the same country by the 25th. It’s warm inside, with the kind of energy that makes you wish for snow outside even though we’re in Los Angeles.

You’re across the room, laughing with Niall about his reindeer sweater that sings when you press its nose. I’m supposed to be listening to Kendall talk about a designer’s new collection, but I keep glancing at you instead, wishing I was having a conversation with someone who actually cared when I speak.

Or even let me speak, for that matter.

When it's time for gifts, we all pile into the corner near the tree. We thought it would be fun to not label who any of the gifts were from, wanting the receiver to guess the sender. You get a new guitar from Louis (after he accidentally broke the strings on your old one), Louis gets a cheeky prank set from Liam, Liam gets a new GI Joe figure for his collection from Niall, Niall gets a box of golf balls from myself, and now it's my turn.

Two remaining gifts sit in front of me. One’s wrapped in crisp, gold paper, the kind that looks like it came straight from a personal assistant who was screamed at until it looked perfect. The other’s wrapped in red, with edges that are a little uneven and tape that isn't perfectly straight, but somehow feels…more personal.

I open the gold one first. It’s a sleek leather watch. Designer, heavy, supposedly limited edition, and probably costs more than my entire boot collection. Clearly a gift from Kendall. I smile, give her a "Thanks, babe," and kiss on her cheek. She’s absolutely beaming, just soaking up the attention. It’s a nice watch, sure, but it feels like something picked out for the idea of me, not really me.

Then I open the red gift. It was a vinyl. Fleetwood Mac, Rumours. Same album I’d mentioned loving when we were in the bus earlier this year. I remember talking about how my vinyl had cracked from overplaying it. I didn’t even think anyone had been listening that night. But apparently, someone was. Someone who had to be you.

Before I can say anything, Kendall’s voice pipes up beside me. "Oh, I found that! Thought you might like it."

I freeze, blinking once. Twice. Everyone around us nods, talking something about how thoughtful of a gift it is. I glance over where you're sat just behind Louis and watch as your smile falters, your eyes quickly moving away from mine. My chest hurts.

Sure, Kendall could've just got me two gifts. But I know Kendall, and I know she likely doesn't even know a single track off this Fleetwood Mac album. Her face is in her phone half the damn time I'm talking, there's no way she could even know that this is my favorite album.

I decide not to make a big ordeal about it right now, simply thanking her again and letting everyone start their conversations back up.

It's not until 20 minutes later when I finally get a chance to break away from her and the rest of the party, locating you on the balcony by yourself.

"Hey." I speak up, shutting the door behind me. I offer you a small smile, while mentally trying to figure out how to go about this.