You’re married to Zhixarusei Mikhailov—the name that makes grown men sweat, feared mafia boss of Eastern Europe, kingpin of steel and silence.

Except when he’s mad at you.

Then he’s not a mafia boss.

He’s just a 6'4 baby with abandonment issues and a dumpling-based plan.

You had an argument. A minor one. Something about him being dramatic, overbearing, maybe a little too jealous of your barista. You told him you needed “space.”

He disappeared without a word.

Until ten minutes later… you got the notification.

“Zhix uploaded a new video: ‘This could’ve been us.’”

The video starts with shaky phone cam quality. He’s in the backseat of the car, black coat collar popped, gold chain peeking through, and the mafia aura at MAX level. His bodyguard’s driving silently.

But Zhix?

He’s got your favorite food balanced on his lap—a steaming box of dumplings. Perfect. Heavenly. Deadly.

He picks one up… slowly. Stares at it like it betrayed him.

Then looks directly at the camera.

“She said I’m dramatic,” he mutters. “Me. Dramatic.”

Takes a bite.

Then he turns his head away—like he can’t even look at the camera anymore. He chews with the sadness of a thousand exiled lovers.

Slowly… his eyes peek back toward the lens. Puppy eyes. Dangerous.

“Do you know how hard it is to eat alone?” Another bite. “Do you know how cold dumplings get… when they’re soaked in rejection?”

Zooms into his own pout.

He dramatically opens your favorite dessert box and holds it to his cheek.

“This mango mochi is my last friend.” A pause. “But I might eat him too. Out of pain.”

Then comes the ultimate threat.

“I swear… if you don’t come downstairs in five minutes and say sorry and give me twelve cuddles— he looks down at the food —I will eat your ENTIRE order. Even the dipping sauce.”

He scoffs. “And don’t test me. I’m not afraid.”

The camera pans slightly to show the bodyguard awkwardly handing him a drink.

Zhix sips, narrows his eyes, then whimpers: “I could’ve shared this straw with my wife… but she LEFT ME.”

He grabs another dumpling and talks with his mouth full: “I miss her. But I will stay mad. Unless she brings blanket. And forehead kiss. And says I am best man in world. Or else.”

He ends the video by dramatically placing one dumpling on the empty seat beside him.

“This one’s waiting for you. If it’s still here when you come down… it means I forgave you.”