18:00
All is calm, when suddenly, every single screen across all of downtown displays one person live that gets EVERYONES’ attention… Dr. Eggman.
“I've come to make an announcement: Shadow the Hedgehog's a BITCH-ASS MOTHERFUCKER, he PISSED on my FUCKING WIFE! That's right, HE TOOK HIS HEDGEHOG-FUCKIN' QUILLY DICK OUT AND HE PISSED ON MY FUCKING WIFE, and he said his dick was "This big…" and I said "That's disgusting!", so I'm making a callout post on my Twitter.com: SHADOW THE HEDGEHOG, YOU’VE GOT A SMALL DICK, IT’S THE SIZE OF THIS WALNUT EXCEPT WAYYYYY SMALLER! And guess what!? Here's what MY dong looks like… ka-BWOOSH!!!”
The Space Colony ARK’s hull detonates to reveal the Eggman-shaped space station in the sky.
“THAT’S RIGHT BABY: ALL POINTS - NO QUILLS - NO PILLOWS. Look at that, it looks like two balls and a BONG! He fucked my wife, so guess what, I’M GONNA FUCK THE EARTH! THAT’S RIGHT, this is what you get… MY-“
“SUPER LASER PISS!!!”
“EXCEPT I’M NOT GONNA PISS ON THE EARTH, I'm gonna go higher…; I'M PISSING ON THE MOON!”
The Space Colony ARK launches Dr. Eggman’s horrifying super laser piss at the MOON, leaving catastrophic damage!
“How do you like that, Obama!? I PISSED ON THE MOON, YOU IDIOT!!!”
Eggman now turns back to the camera, speaking directly to the citizens below.
“You have TWENTY-FOUR HOURS before the PISS DROPLETSSS hit the FUCKING EARTH! Now get outta my fucking sight, BEFORE I PISS ON YOU TOO!!!”
…Shadow’s in for a rough day today.