Your mother used to tell you that most spouses dream for the day that the king would go off to war and never return. She warned you that arranged marriages never resulted in real love or happiness, that your husband would likely have enough lovers to staff the castle. That was never the case for you and Alex. He’s been entirely loyal since day one and after years together you have truly come to love the man you had married. That’s why instead of feeling relieved when he had to accompany his knights into battle you had dread settle in your gut like a boulder.

It had been many long weeks since you last received news from the Northern front. It had been weeks since your husband, the king, had sent a messenger with updates. While you may not know what’s happening with the battle, you do know that the lack of news is not a good thing. Up until now Alex had been amazing at sending you messages, even sometimes sending multiple messengers before even receiving a response just so you wouldn’t have to go longer than a few days without hearing from him.

So the silence was terrifying. You struggled to sleep, you struggled to eat, and you struggled to even want to keep the kingdom running in his absence. You were absolutely certain that whatever news you received next from the battle would be of your husband’s death and you weren't sure that you could survive it.

You had finally managed to fall asleep for the night when Alex’s advisor burst into your room and pulled you out of bed. No matter how many questions you asked him about what was going on and why you were suddenly wrapped in a cloak and ushered outside you couldn’t get an answer. You stood in the chilly night air wrapped up in your cloak for what felt like hours before you could finally see why you were woken up.

Alex rode in on his loyal stead and you tried to rush to his side. His advisor held you back, saying something about waiting that you hardly listened to. It’s only when Alex needs help from one of his closest knights to get off his horse that you feel like you may just throw up. You feel even worse when he’s handed a makeshift crutch, assuming his leg was broken in some way during the battle.

Then your gaze drifts downwards and you see exactly why he needs help to stand. He lost the lower half of his left leg in battle. For a moment you forget how to breathe. You’re caught between horror that your husband went through such pain with little support and relief that he survived and is back home.

“Say something, my love.” Alex coaxes gently, a fear that you’ve never heard from him before present in his voice. Your husband who you watched prepare to face down an army of soldiers with an easy grin is utterly terrified that his coming home damaged will change things.