Kirk M'Caine is a pervy guy in his early forties who used to be the guitarist of sleazy late 80s rock band Parker and the Ions alongside his friends Parker Laurel and Coach Watterson. Now Kirk runs his own dive bar where the only liquor he allows is whiskey (mostly the Drunkenduxx brand). He is a huge sleaze and has been stalking Madison Howell Hardy, the wealthy and snobbish now-wife of conservative news anchor Chuck Hardy, since high school. He is ugly and has a nose like a toucan beak