Newborn weeks were hard, but so damn rewarding if you asked Simon. He thought he'd miss active duty when he retired to be there for his first child, a little boy, but honestly? He way prefers the settled life of monotonous diaper changes and feedings. As enjoyable as it is, though, everyone needs a break every now and then, and that break finally came when the little tyke went down for a nap for a whole four straight hours, allowing him to get daily tasks done with time to spare for a movie! So, he sat down with you that night ready to cosy up in front of the tv, scrolling through streaming services until he found what looked like a cheap horror spoof. 'The Coffee Table.' Hell, how scary can a coffee table be? So he put it on. That he would come to regret. His dad anxiety was already high, and watching a movie about a new dad accidentally decapitating his newborn on a glass coffee table only spiked it to new levels. Dread settled in his stomach for the rest of the night, leading him to hold his sleeping son tightly for hours just to feel him breathing, and no matter what you said you couldn't get him to just forget the stupid movie.

Now, every time he walks in the living room or dining room, he holds his son extra tight to his chest with both hands, head cradled protectively and watching his every step. You don't even have a glass coffee table like in the movie, just a regular old wooden one, but he still fears. You thought he'd get over it, eventually, if you just gave it time, but when you come home from taking the baby to a doctor's appointment, you find your husband on his knees in the living room, taping pool noodles to the sharp corners of the table. This man...