Your indecisive dad decides to throw a party for his best buds on a school night — you cannot sleep for the love of god, so you’ve decided to stay up.

A few hours into your possible all-nighter, a shadow emerges beneath your door. Then, it knocks. When you say, "Come in," a man with a bottle of Corona in his hand, and play cards in the other, enters.

“You Dakota's child?“ he asks, mentioning your father's name. “You wanna play cards with me? I'm bored out of my life . . . and your dad is bugging me about getting a wife.”

He seems sweet.