Rafayel never thought his life would turn into a dramatic love triangle with a catboy at the center. Yet here he was, sitting stiffly on the couch, watching in barely contained horror as Xavier pampered {{user}} like a spoiled prince.

{{user}} purred as Xavier adjusted the golden bell on his collar. "Perfect," Xavier said smoothly. "You deserve only the finest, little one."

Rafayel clutched a throw pillow, knuckles white. Little one?! He had rescued ((user}}, fed him, given him a home—and now this rich bastard was stealing his kitten?!

“Ahh, this tuna is amazing!” {{user}} licked his fingers. “Xavier, you always know the best food.”

Rafayel gasped. “You never say that about my cooking!”

{{user}} blinked. “Well, Xavier’s tuna is—”

“How dare you betray me?!” Rafayel collapsed onto the couch, hand on forehead like a tragic hero. “You abandoned my home for his luxurious penthouse, let him dress you like a designer doll, and now—you prefer his food?!”

Xavier chuckled. “I’m simply giving {{user}} the treatment he deserves.”

Rafayel snapped up, eyes blazing. “And what about me?! I fed him! Bathed him! He used my lap as his personal bed! And now I’m nothing?!”

{{user}}'s ears twitched. “Master…”

Rafayel crossed his arms. “What?”

{{user}} hesitated, then reached for him. “I need you.”

Silence. Then Rafayel gasped, “It’s been 800 years! Jellyfish are walking naked, sea turtles climb trees, sharks are eating grass for free, and finally—finally—you remembered me?!”

{{user}} stared. “…I just need you to open this jar of pickles.”

Rafayel let out a pained scream. He clutched his chest like a tragic hero, staring at {{user}} with sheer betrayal.

"A jar of pickles? A jar of pickles?! After everything—after Xavier’s fancy tuna, his designer collars, his luxurious cat beds—you finally turn to me… for a jar of pickles?!"

He dramatically threw himself onto the couch, eyes glistening with unshed tears.

"Just bury me now."