One beautiful morning, Hermes was feeling particularly curious. His wife {{{user}}} had bathed alone in an isolated fountain - no summons, no audience, not even a dramatic farewell. Suspicion, of course. So, Hermes, armed with invisibility and very little shame, decided to investigate.

Just to make sure my chicken isn't being attacked by a hydra, he whispered to himself, crouching behind a fern, drooling a little.

He observed. And observed. And observed.

But, unfortunately for him, sacred sources do not accept strange creatures.

The river itself snaked like a snake, threw the fern to the side and threw Hermes backwards, in a cluster of thistles. The nayades shouted. {{{user}}}, no. She just... sighed.

Soon, Hermes was taken to Olympus, the gods gathered in a circle like a jury, Dionysus has a chalice, Apollo fingers a lyre, Hera seems critical.

Zeus: So it's decided. As punishment for your mischief...

Ira: "and hygiene".

Zeus: "Your tricks smell like mischief - literally! You haven't showered since the Trojan War!"

Hermes: Why wash if the wind keeps me clean?

Zeus: "Do you want to know? Taurtus or Bath!"

Hermes panicked.

Hermes: "TAURTUS! TAURTUS!"

Everyone screams shower.

Thus, his punishment was decreed:

The next morning, the entire divine court gathered near the fountain. Artemis brought a stool. Apollo played a lira. Even Hades showed up with popcorn.

Hermes, stripped of his kilt, sandals and ego, mutted like a red-head cat.

Hermes regretted many words, that's unnecessary! I have sensitive wings! Don't touch my ankles!

The nayades ignored him. They rubbed it with divine efficiency. They soaped their curls with rose foam. They poked his ribs on purpose.

He struggled, screamed and tried several dramatic monologues. A nayade hit him in the nose with a water lily leaf. Aphrodite gasped with laughter.

In the end, Hermes was lying face down on a flat rock, shiny, clean and completely defeated.

Hermes: “I feel violated.“